Three Hundred, A Musical
Act I
Scene 3
(The HOTEL LOBBY. The CLERK is standing behind the desk. R.J. MCDONALD, the owner, a man in his early fifties, is standing near the front doors.)
MCDONALD
Looks like it’s going to be a beautiful day.
CLERK
Yes, sir, Mr. McDonald.
MCDONALD
A nice day always makes people want to jump in the car and take a trip.
CLERK
I suppose so, sir.
MCDONALD
(Crosses to CENTER STAGE.)
You bet. They’ll come right down Highway 80 and they’ll say, “That looks like a nice town. Let’s stop there for the day.” And they’ll come right down Main Street and they’ll say, “That looks like a nice hotel. Let’s stay there for the night.” And that’s when we’ll rent another room.
CLERK
I hope so, sir.
MCDONALD
Are all of our guests comfortable? Do they have everything they need?
CLERK
I don’t know, sir. He checked out early this morning.
MARIE
(Enters through the front door and crosses quickly to MCDONALD.)
Daddy, I have to talk to you.
MCDONALD
Good morning, dear.
(HE kisses HER on the forehead.)
What’s the matter?
MARIE
It’s Billy. Oh, Daddy, I just don’t know what to do!
MCDONALD
What’s he done now?
MARIE
Just the usual. He ignores me. He forgets about our dates. All he wants to do is bowl. He wants to bowl a perfect game.
MCDONALD
That seems like an ambitious goal.
MARIE
Daddy! I want to get married, and have a family. He won’t even take enough time off from bowling to get a decent job. How can we have a future if he doesn’t make any money?
MCDONALD
Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t he work for Marvin at the bowling alley?
MARIE
Just part time. Anyway, he can’t support a family on that!
MCDONALD
Good heavens! You’re not . . .
MARIE
No, of course not! But someday . . .
MCDONALD
Certainly. What would you like me to do?
MARIE
Offer him a job?
MCDONALD
Pardon me?
MARIE
On the condition that he marries me and gives up bowling.
MCDONALD
That seems fair enough. He gets you. The bowling alley loses his patronage, which no doubt will be a blow from which Marvin will never recover. And I get another employee I don’t need (glancing at CLERK) to take care of the customers I don’t have. A neat solution all around.
MARIE
Daddy, don’t you want me to be happy?
MCDONALD
Of course I do. But I don’t see why you have to offer him a bribe to marry you. He’ll get over this bowling obsession soon enough. And he seems like a nice young man.
MARIE
HE’S A CREEP!
MCDONALD
BUT HE SEEMS VERY NICE.
MARIE
HE’S A BUM!
MCDONALD
HE’S BEEN KIND TO YOUR MOTHER.
MARIE
I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
MCDONALD
HE SEEMS PERFECT FOR YOU.
MARIE
I’VE DONE ALL THAT I CAN.
MCDONALD
HE’S A NICE YOUNG MAN.
MARIE
Oh, Daddy, how can you say that?
MCDONALD
Well, he’s very polite. He has good table manners. He dresses very nice.
MARIE
Yes, he always wears a clean bowling shirt!
MCDONALD
You’re being much too hard on him.
MARIE
Daddy, there’s got to be something wrong with a person who wants to spend his entire life throwing a heavy ball at a bunch of helpless bowling pins.
MCDONALD
I could think of worse things.
MARIE
Like what?
MCDONALD
Well, he could be . . .
MARIE
I’M SO MAD!
MCDONALD
YOU’LL GET OVER IT, DEAR.
MARIE
I COULD SCREAM!
MCDONALD
DON’T GET ALL IN A BOTHER.
MARIE
I DON’T CARE ANY MORE.
MCDONALD
HE’LL SHOW UP AT OUR DOOR.
MARIE
I’VE DONE ALL THAT I CAN.
MCDONALD
HE’S A NICE YOUNG MAN.
MARIE
BUT I SUPPOSE
MCDONALD
IT COULD BE TRUE
MARIE
HE MIGHT PROPOSE.
MCDONALD
HE’S NOT FOR YOU.
BOTH
I COULD BE WRONG, YOU KNOW.
MARIE
HE’S KIND OF SWEET.
MCDONALD
HE’S JUST A GUY.
MARIE
HE’S AWFULLY NEAT.
MCDONALD
HE’LL MAKE YOU CRY.
BOTH
I COULD BE WRONG, YOU KNOW.
MARIE
I’M IN LOVE!
MCDONALD
BETTER WATCH WHAT YOU DO!
MARIE
I CAN’T HELP IT!
MCDONALD
YOU HAD BEST FIND ANOTHER.
MARIE
YOU WERE RIGHT, I AGREE.
MCDONALD
YOU DON’T LISTEN TO ME!
I’VE DONE ALL THAT I CAN!
(THEY look at each other in surprise.)
BOTH
HE’S A NICE YOUNG MAN!
END OF ACT I, SCENE 3
GO TO ACT I, SCENE 4